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indecent limericks

A bather whose clothing was strewed

By winds that left her quite nude,

Saw a man come along,

And, unless I am wrong,

You expected this line to be rude.

On a date with a charming young bird,

His erotical feelings were stirred;

So with bold virile pluck,

He asked: “Do you fuck?”

She said: “Yes, but I don’t use that word.”

A taxicab whore out at Iver

Would do the round trip for a fiver

- Quite reasonable, too,

For a sightsee, a screw,

And a ten-shilling tip for the driver.

(Victor Gray)

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam

Complacently stroking his madam,

And great was his mirth,

For he knew that on earth

There were only two balls - and he had ’em.

Two middle-aged ladies from Fordham

Went out for a walk and it bored ‘em

As they made their way back,

A sex maniac

Leapt out from some trees and ignored ‘em.

There was an old maid of Duluth

Who wept when she thought of her youth,

And the glorious chances

She’d missed at school dances,

And once in a telephone booth.

After Lunch the old Duchess of Teck

Observed: “If you’ll listen one sec.,

We’ve found a man’s tool

In the small swimming pool,

So would all of you gentlemen check?”

A remarkable race are the Persians;

They have such peculiar diversions.

They make love all the day

In the usual way,

And save all the night for perversions.

The Postmaster-General cried: “Arsehole!

A pair of bull’s balls in a parcel!

Stamped “I.R.A.”,

With ninepence to pay,

And addressed to the King, Windsor Castle!”

(Victor Gray)